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A fool and her wealth

Self-esteem, like all forms of wealth, is fleeting at best.

I had my PhD confirmation meeting yesterday. I did not pass.

My probation has been extened by one month, and I need to resubmit my report (apparently, my oral presentation, which I was told was the main focus of the confirmation process, was just peachy keen). So, yeah. I'm a big fat steaming pile of fail (or, if you're feeling policitally correct, absence of pass).

I managed to make it out of the building before I burst into tears, which was nice. I don't want to cry infront of these people.

Jye tried to console me with retail therapy, which was nice of him. He knows no other way, apparently, than retail therapy.

I didn't want to come in today. I didn't want to face these people, and have it brought to my attention ove and over that what I presented was substandard, was not acceptable, was below even the lowest of expectations. I want to go home and curl up in bed, freaky guys in my backyard be damned. I just want to stop existing.

I hate failing. I hate being here. I hate my fucking PhD. Oh, that's right, I'm in very real danger of not being able to complete my PhD. What do you know, two birds with one stone.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 8th, 2003 10:35 pm (UTC)
Arrr, foockem, the fookin fookers
At the risk of not coming up to the scratch of retail therapy, and coming from someone who hasn't slept since sometime on Thursday night, here is what I can offer in the way of comfort...

Personally I'm scared of universities. They work on mysterious principles that I am unable to grasp. So maybe I'm not the authority on the subject.

But in the end, in what I will jokingly call the real world, a PhD comes to nothing more than letters before your name. Chances are whatever work you end up doing in your future life will have sweet F.A. to do with the subject matter, the people or even the qualification. It means nothing. Hell, if you really want the phd you can probably buy it off the internet.

The other thing to say is; if you're doing this PhD for you, it's worth fighting for. If you're doing it for any other reason - career, getting parents to give you the respeck' they should've been giving you unconditionally forever - I say screw it, waste no more time. Do a course in massage and aromatherapy or hairdressing or work as a waitress or whatever instead.

Of course none of this can take the place of a proper hug, but you can wait two weeks for that, yes?
May. 8th, 2003 11:40 pm (UTC)
Re: Arrr, foockem, the fookin fookers
Sweetheart, if it were up to me, you'd be getting more than just a goddamn hug. But yo know Jye and his crazy ideas about monogomy. But on that topic, what are you doing Saturday 24th? My schedual is free from about 1.30 pm onwards, and you and I have some serious catching up to do. Not that I have anything interesting to say, I just want to bask in your glory. ;)

Quite frankly, I'm getting pretty sick of being shafted by the Uni in its every guise. Does the term "12 months work without pay" mean nothing to them? Is it my fault I didn't get any real guidelines for the report I have to write? I fully admit I didn't write the report they wanted to get - but they didn't tell me what they wanted to hear.

Gah, it's like living with my parents all over again.

Ah, screw it, a weekend and some alcohol might just kill enough brain cells so that I no-longer care.
May. 8th, 2003 11:50 pm (UTC)
Well, hang in there. Possibly with kittens if necessary. If the uni gives you too much shit, sue them for unnecessary damage to and endangerment of your mental and physical wellbeing. Or sommat like that.

I'll be arriving at Tulla at about 6:45am on the 24th so my first day back will probably be spent sleepin' and unpackin' and eatin' twisties and mint slices (godly godly mint slices) but after that I'm yours.
May. 8th, 2003 11:54 pm (UTC)
Mine, eh?.....

How's about we get together and get some good, old-fashioned, european food into you. Or american (it's all just carbos, fat and meat). I'll leave the boy behind. ;)

Where will you be staying once you get back?
May. 9th, 2003 02:40 am (UTC)
I'll be chez greg. And I could *murder* a lamb chop. No one outside Australia seems to eat it. :)
May. 10th, 2003 12:09 am (UTC)
If you want to finish your PhD, I suspect that the first thing you will need to do is get a real critque of what was wrong with you report. Make your supervisor or someone similar sit down with you and show you how it is wrong and tell you what they want changed.

If your supervisor can't or won't do this, there may be some resource available through the PostGrad Association.

From their website:

Common Problems
The Postgraduate Association has identified the following typical supervision problems:

  • Lack of feedback on content, style or appropriateness of thesis;

  • Lack of expertise or knowledge on the part of the supervisor about your area of research;

  • Lack of guidance, including prolonged delays for a response to simple queries;

  • A personality clash between the student and the supervisor(s);

  • Lack of assistance in accessing facilities and funding;

  • Lack of availability (eg. the supervisor has too many commitments or is frequently overseas);

  • Lack of opportunity to pursue your area of interest or adopt your own research approach;

  • Difficulty in making appointments;

  • Clashes between supervisors and co-supervisors.

What to Do if Things Go Wrong

If you encounter a problem with a supervisor which cannot satisfactorily be resolved between the two of you, seek the counsel of the department's Postgraduate Co-ordinator and/or the Head of Department. You can also approach Advisers at the Postgraduate Association, who can advise you on how best to proceed.

Seeing a Postgraduate Adviser

The Postgraduate Association employs two Advisers to counsel postgraduates on the appropriate course of action for various difficulties. All consultations are confidential, and postgraduates are encouraged to make use of our service. An appointment is usually made to see an Adviser by phoning (03) 9344 8657.

Otherwise, one other idea, I have a friend who went through as bad if not worse experiences then yu are currently going through while completing here PhD at Melbourne, she may be prepared to help you if I asked really nicely. She was studying embryology - so while not the same specific field - not too far different either - at least its a bio-genetics thingy.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )