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October 24th, 2002

impending doom

So very tired. Fatigue head-aches returning. Jye keeping me up, then falling asleep in an instant. Wrist hurts a little to type, a lot to write. PS2 out of the question. Took half a day off yesterday, after being a demonstrator for a prac class. Scientists are useless when their on-hand (not their off-hand) is down on mobility. Although being a scientist has taught me to be ambidexterous when it comes to mugs of coffee. That's a plus. :)

Finally got the courage to ask one of my supervisors about my possible scholarship. This was, in retrospect, not such a good idea. Turns out that they have run into some problems with the grant which has the money in it for my funding. I think it has to do with the problems we are having with the new dental hospital (in that, due to political and beurocratic disputes, they may not BE a new dental hospital, despite the fact it is 65% complete).

I should find out in a few weeks, but Stuart does not seem full of confidence. I am not hopeful at all. It has been posponed too many times, my marks simply were not good enough last year, circumstance stacks itself against me.

I have heard others speak of unrequited love. I am in love with my vocation, my work, my dream, my science - but like all beautiful and tragic love affairs, the fates seek to keep us apart. I could write great volumes, I could write the most lyrical and tender words of my beloved, but no matter what passion may course through my veins, no matter how my hearts rises and sings at the thought of what could be, my love and I seem destined to be torn apart from eachother.

Our love is not to be, I fear.