August 25th, 2005

sullen princess - by me

"When sorrow come, they come not as single spies but in battalions"


I got my form to renew my scholarship, which I have to hand in with my extention of candidature form. There's just one problem - it's practically unheard of to get the second scholarship renewal.

This is my second.

Now, I had always been told that I would have funding for three years - and given I went without funding for the first year, that means funding up until the end of my fourth year. Or, at least, that is what I believed - apparently, this may not be the case.

One supervisor is away for 4 weeks on holiday (in, I belive, Bali), and the other is probably going to remain home sick today. Which means there is no one I can go to to try and get this massive drama cleared up.

I'm trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter. I'm trying to convince myself that I hate it here anyway, and that if it all falls flat I can just turn around, give the PhD the finger, and get a real job. It sucks that life is so centered around money. It sucks that I've been worried about not having enough money to live on since I was 5. It sucks that I am terrified of failing.