Becka (miss_rynn) wrote,
Becka
miss_rynn

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November - month of madness

I totally chose the wrong month to do NaNoWriMo in.

I have to prepare for the coming of my minion, I have to wrap up three (or so) major experiments, I have to give a talk to the department in early December about what results I have gotten since last year (very, very few, mostly relying on the experiments I am trying to wrap up this month), Halo 2 is coming out (which means they will probably try to rope me in for extra shifts at the game store).

This is on top of commitments I already have; training on Saturdays (soon to go to mornings again), committee meetings, running around like a blue-assed-fly dealing with international banking issues, doing a fucking PhD (did I mention how it's now becoming standard practice for me to work every weekend?!), and trying to do something I enjoy such as role-playing. And, quite frankly, my D&D game requires a whole lot of work per session, which will only become more-so when all 6 of my players start showing up.

And to what end? I mean, most of the stuff I do I don't enjoy doing, so why do I do it? A sense of duty for some of it, a desire to not disappoint others takes up a huge part, that awful trapped feeling that comes from a realisation that if I fail I have doomed myself to never-ending failure takes up a fair part, and a tiny little whimpering part is left over which wants me to do something I enjoy.

I've stopped getting any pretense of a decent ammount of sleep. That's the problem here, you see - the more exhausted I become, the less able I am to put up with shit. Not that it matters.

Nothing to see here, people; move along.
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