Becka (miss_rynn) wrote,

The ends of eras

First, I whine.

I'm fucking stressed out of my nut. I keep waking up with anxiety attacks, and have the constant stomach-squeezing feeling of adrenaline coursing through me. I have a thin sheen of fear sweat. My limbs are tingly in that way you get when you are anticipating the need for a fight-or-flight response. I hate it. I keep thinking that I might do something stupid.

I think I need to step back. No, I *know* I need to step back, but it is all a matter of timing. I *should* do it right now, but that is a logistical nightmare. Stepping away now means that I have to waste a whole lot of time later setting up things so that I can start again. Stepping away now means that I may yet save some of my delicate psyche from damage, but means in the long run I am going to just get stressed out more and again.

Something needs to give, and I don't think I am strong enough to have that something *not* be me.

To other things. I'll put up a session report later, but last night was the last session of my D&D game in my current house. The next session will be but a few days after we move, so I'd best think of some plot in the meantime... And I taught my players a valuable lesson about getting cocky. Bam, I say. Not a total party kill, but if the dice had been a little more even (the players were rolling really well, and I was rolling quite poorly) the situation would have been very interesting in the Chinese sense.

Moving stuff. morsla is trying to convince me to hire a small van for the move. I will speak to nuwishas_tail about it, seeing as how he also brought it up. My theory is that if nuwishas_tail is game to deal with all the truckful hire and drive, and I hand him money to make the problem go away, then everything will be okay.

We shall see.

In other news, I am terribly glad I don't take myself too seriously, or I would be in worse shape.
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