Becka (miss_rynn) wrote,

Getting Excited

Pants. So. About those pants I bought yesterday. Nice kinda butch dyke pants, the sort I'm quite fond of. Black, stretch, with a chunky industrial-styled belt. I put them on last night, and had a shimmer of a memory of what it used to be like to be me. It was grand.

The thing about me is, however, that I refuse to try on clothes in the store. I don't know why (well, I have a vague idea), it's just one of those crazy things that make me who I am. So most shopping expeditions are something of a calculated gamble - will it, or will it not fit? Yesterday I took the biggest gamble I have taken in quite some time.

You see, the problem with being a size 14 is that it is the average size of the australian woman. That means that it is also the size which sells out the fastest. The only size 14 pants avaliable were of the short leg variety and - as some of you may have realised - I am a tall girl, with all my height in the legs. Thusly, I was forced to make a risky decision...

And you know what? The size 12 pair fits!!!! This is some crazy revelation to me, some awesome, astounding event the likes of which I thought I would never see again. It may just be this particular pair of pants (because, you know, different stores size their clothes differently), which are stretchy, but my GOD I'm a size 12 again! I haven't been a size 12 since I was a skinny, angsty teen.

Titles. I know I am probably jumping the gun a bit here, but I was wanting to give myself a little lift, a vague ray of hope in my pissed-off-at-the-world existance. If I ever get this god awful degree out of the way, I'm thinking of retiring this lj (as, you know, it really has been a journal of my life during the PhD) and starting fresh with dr_rynn. A symbolic gesture, really, of cutting ties with the journey of the PhD and moving on into a new, over-qualified life.

And yes, I've already nabbed the lj-user name in anticipation.

Movies. bishi_wannabe turned to me this morning and said, "Hey, do you want to see the new Star Wars film tonihgt?" I laughed. Firstly, I have this thing about overly crowded places, an anxiety which has gotten worse since I started the PhD. If anything, particularly a movie, is too crowded I just get antsy and jittery and I don't have a good time.

Secondly, while we were always intending on going, it wasn't until people started going on about how good the movie supposedly is that bishi_wannabe got excited about it. He does this all the time; when he hears hype about something, it seems to make it the bestest thing ever, and the thing he wants the most (to the detriment of things he just got, which he thought would be the bestest things ever). I find it amusing and kind of cute.

Incidentally, I plan on seeing it sometime next week when it's a little less crowded.

Comfortable. It's amazing how spending just a couple of hours with my loved friends (who I don't see much of these days, because, as I've already explained, I am a fucking awful person) can make me feel so much more comfortable being me. Happy, almost. After seeing matcha_pocky and astro_dust on Tuesday, I've felt all mellow and... well, accepted. The problem of working where I do is that I just feel like like an ostracised outsider.

Everybody out there who is dear to me: I love you guys.
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