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PhD and despair

Weekends are apparently made for extra work. If I was told when I was young that weekends were just extra days for you to work on, I would have been less excited about them. Maybe I wouldn't be so miserable about work now if that had been the case.

I've been working since about 9 am today, and I am still yet to actually write anything. Rather, I have written a great deal, but it has been corrections and notes on what I need to fix. In short, everything.

But, on the bright side, at least I know what needs doing now. Everything. Fuck.

I have organised as much as I can, and have printed out results to put them in order and to scribble on them and such; I know that I need to check up on what I did to get several results, and I know that one set of results is fucked beyond my ability to fix by myself (I'm not sure which sets data it is that I need to graph, I only know that the sets I have plotted are not correct). But all in all I am not happy.

I skipped out on training today, which is probably a good thing, but I feel bad about it too. I mean, I know I have a whole bunch of other stuff I need to be doing today, and I know that my focus would not have been nearly enough to make it worth my while, but I still feel like I've let people down.

This sucks.

I think the fact that I chose to attempt a PhD is the best evidence to date that I am a fucking moron.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 15th, 2005 06:38 am (UTC)
Ah, but it means you're an intelligent moron!
Oct. 15th, 2005 04:08 pm (UTC)
Too hard on yourself. Stop it.
Oct. 17th, 2005 06:16 am (UTC)
hey, if it makes u feel any better.. its one thing to START a phd, but to actually get the work done and finish the damn thing.. thats courage! and endurance, stamina and intelligence. i have been told, that u should loathe ur supervisor or get fed up wit ur project at least by halfway thru the phd work haha.

i know i am saying this from a distance, and not necessariky as someone close to ya as a friend, but i think its terrific u've gotten thru to this stage, i hope i will have half the dedication u do! :)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )