Becka (miss_rynn) wrote,
Becka
miss_rynn

  • Mood:

nostalgic

I spent most of yesterday scouring the internet of pictures of me. Odd, I know, but procrastination does strange things. I found some pics of when I was 17/18, which was also odd. Photos of better times, when life was simply, I had fewer ex-boyfriends, and I wasn't so afraid of everything. Nice reminders, really, of the person I used to be.

But times change, and people grow up, and I am no longer the hyperactive girl with a riqsue tongue and a cheeky, flirtatious attitude. Rather, I am a little older, a little more cynical, a little wiser, and I am more interested in younger boys than older men. Strangely enough, in more recent photos I found (when I was 21), I was dressed in a school uniform. Coincidence? Who can say. Either way, though, it's funny.

Its quite odd looking back on the past and seeing how much I have evolved. Somewhere in the back of my mind when I was 16 and starting Uni, I always assumed that I would be the youngest, the precious one, everyone's perpetual little sister. Perhaps it is more strange to realise now that some people look up to me, consider me a big sister, and seek to learn from me.

I have had several students in life, which is esoteric and strange to me.

I guess I am glad that I still manage to maintain some of my youth as I mature. I'm still maidening, though blurring at the edges. Maybe I became more awear of my maturation, rather than my youth, when my brother became engaged. Maybe it was when I realised I was in a de facto relationship. I do not mourn the passing of my youth into adulthood, but I mark its passage and remember.

Today is a fresh day, with new promise.

And I must remember most of all that I am not defined by my work, or by what I do, rather by who and what I am.

When I was 16, I realised that the world was mine to grab by the throat and force to give me what I wanted. Now that I am less angry, less repressed, I realise that the world, like a tiger, is best coaxed into giving its favours. Times change, people grow, and who knows what tomorrow brings?
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