I'm rather discontent with my life and disenchanted with my work. I know it's just one of those days that no matter what happens, I'm going to feel fed up and isolated. It's frustrating, but not dabilitating. Well, not really. I need to find some enthusiasm from somewhere, not just today but in general. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choices in my life, in the direction of my study and my eventual entering into the work force. I alsways thought I'd be content with the menial, mind-numbingly dull tasks involved in being a scientist, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like I'm running in circles, exhausting myself without achieving anything. The atmosphere here is dead and insular, and I am coming to the dawning realisation that I may not fit in even with the geekiest of geeks - the scientific community. I don't feel clever enough, or enthusiastic enough, or driven enough. Sure, I want to get my degree, but at what cost?
Maybe somehwere along the line I lost track of what I really wanted to do. Maybe I just wanted to do it because I *told* people it's what I wanted to do. I don't know, it's all just so big and scary sometimes. I wonder if I would have been any better doing something else, or if I am attracted to the things I would rather do because of an imagined ideal, and not the thing itself.
So where does this leave me? Trapped, stuck in the rut I built for myself. This is my seventh year at university, studying full time the whole way. Maybe I need a holidya. The problem is, I havn't done enough work to actually warrent one.
I don't know, I guess it's just one of those days or something.