Becka (miss_rynn) wrote,

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The difficulties which are my PhD

Scene - Friday, in my supervisor's office.

Players - Me, my spervisor N.

M - Right... I know I did things wrong, but I have a plan which I think will set things right...

N - Hang on. Before you begin all that, I have some other things to say. Fisrt of all, in relation to that whole report thing, S____ and I were not impressed at all.

M - I know...

N - So we need to talk about why this happened.

Following this was a rather long conversation where I cried. A lot. And questions being asked like, "Do you want your PhD", and "What could be done to make you a happier student here". For all those who said this wasn't a big deal, it was a big deal. To the point where questions were asked about if I really wanted to continue or not. Questions that I could give an answer for. The big, nasty questions.

The outcome is much as I suspected it would be. I will devise a new schedual, where I will do things like look for new journal articals and write up both thesis stuff and lab stuff and see both N. and S. at least once a week. I'll be given a chance to write a new paper too, from scratch, so that I can do it properly this time.

To try and win back some confidence in myself from myself and my supervisors.

There is nothing worse than feeling like you have disappointed someone. I am really angry at myself because it is all my fault, and I let this whole thing happen. True - it's better it happened now than in a years time, but it's still shitful. Just like me. I should be able to take a holiday in about three weeks time, to give me a chance to set everything right.

Sometimes I think I am too much of an idiot to be doing this.
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