I was quite sick yesterday and stayed home. One of those so sick that I woke up next to my own lung kind of sick days. I'm still hacking and coughing, but I feel less sick. Which is good. I was going to go to the Dr, but I figure that since I'm on the mend there's no real point to it.
Why I hate being a scientist #00036
My stuff keeps being stolen, or rather just 'goes missing' and never turns up again. My lab note book for all of this year so far has 'gone missing'. I Fscking hate this. It won't do anyone any good to have my random notes on where things are kept or how I make up some media, or what random results I have, in rough form. I write out my results in my official book once every week or so, so I havn't lost any results per se, but for crissake! It will put me back in the progress of my work, because it has little notes in it on what to do to make things easier, what calculations I've done to work out concentrations and that sort of thing. The sort of senseless, destructive behaviour that benefits no one and was done purely to inconvinience me.
This happened to be twice last year (once with my official book, which was even more of a shit), as well as having two zip disks stolen, my experiments tampered with, my physical results (ie, isolated DNA) sabbotaged (ie, bleach was added to my DNA samples, or (as I suspect) DNAse was added to them, degrading my samples), and what's more, it happened so frequently that someone as-yet-unnamed asked my supervisor from last year if there was any chance that I WAS DOING IT MYSELF.
It pisses me off because I am 90% sure that the department is going to wait to see what my results are like at the end of October before they decide whether or not to give me a scholarship. To see if I am a good enough scientist to make the grade. But how do I even have a hope of succeding if some asshole is stealing my stuff?
I know it sounds paranoid, but I get the feeling that I am not wanted here.
Fsckers. Fsck them. I know that I have more drive and dedication than over half the people here. I know that I am more interested in the research, I know that I baulk less at the unpleasantness of the field, I know that I will put up with more crap than anyone here just to LEARN and the DISCOVER. I'm here with only $600 a month to live on; less than I'd be getting on NewStart. I deserve a chance, and I shouldn't have to put up with this crap. Why don't they give a damn about that?
How much more am I supposed to sacrifice to be given the chance to learn?