Becka (miss_rynn) wrote,
Becka
miss_rynn

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Conference of disappointment

I spent weeks on the poster. Working, angsting, fretting etc etc ad nauseum.

I finally got to put it up yesterday. During the lunch hour. While the AGM was on. I mean, what the fuck. No one looked at it. The only questions I got were relatively dumb ones from people in my lab - people who I see every day, and who already know what I'm working on.

So my question is this - why the fuck did they make me do it? Public humiliation?

The speakers of the conference were okay, but mostly quite unrelated to my field and very dull. Not only that, but they made me realise how very little work I have done, how little I have achieved, and how much more I could have done. How much better a scientist I could have been. It shits me, because I thought I was over going to speaches and assemblies and the like that make me feel like an underachieving shit.

Met up with
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I spent weeks on the poster. Working, angsting, fretting etc etc ad nauseum.

I finally got to put it up yesterday. During the lunch hour. While the AGM was on. I mean, what the fuck. No one looked at it. The only questions I got were relatively dumb ones from people in <i>my</i> lab - people who I see every day, and who already know what I'm working on.

So my question is this - why the fuck did they make me do it? Public humiliation?

The speakers of the conference were okay, but mostly quite unrelated to my field and very dull. Not only that, but they made me realise how very little work I have done, how little I have achieved, and how much more I could have done. How much better a scientist I could have been. It shits me, because I thought I was over going to speaches and assemblies and the like that make me feel like an underachieving shit.

Met up with <lj-user="tarleon"> for coffee. We ended up drinking instead, which was fun. Except I had to run off to get changed (into a very short dress) for the stupid conference dinner. Again, I didn't talk to anyone who I didn't already know, and I flashed my stocking-tops to the entire room more than once. Fun, but a little disappointing again.

My friend Viv won a prize, though, for the poster competition (which I wasn't entered in - maybe next year). Which was fantastic, but it also just reinforced the idea that I won't achieve as much as her, one of my peers.

And now, slightly hung over, I am due to go back to the conference and sit through some monumentally boring talks, because the speakers are people from my lab. Do you see the logic? Because I don't.

I am jealous of <lj-user="nuwishastail"> because I wanted to go to ASM instead of IADR. Curse him and his sheep. Maybe there's next year... On the other hand, thereb is a dire whisper going around that the students from my lad will all be going to Fiji next year for a conferfence, which is nice in principal, but I am distressed by the idea of international embarassment when I am, once more, painfully mediocre.
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